I'm not a warrior
I'm too afraid to lose
I feel unqualified for what you're calling me to
But Lord with your strength
I've got no excuse
'Cause broken people are exactly who you use
So give me faith like Daniel in the lion's den
Give me hope like Moses in the wilderness
Give me a heart like David, Lord be my defense
So I can face my giants with confidence
You took a shepherd boy
And made him a King
So I'm gonna trust you and give you everything
I'll be a conquerer
'Cause you fight for me
I'll be a champion claiming your victory
- Confidence Sanctus Real
Was reading in Experiencing God this morning about David and Goliath. About David being an optimist when all around him were pessimists, including King Saul.
But don't forget the list of pessimists included David's family. His brother's were there.
I am facing some old challenges yet again. Am facing prospects that honestly make me groan inside. I don't like to lead people. I never have. Unlike my namesake King David. He thrived in that role.
Yet it seems this is the direction God keeps taking me. What don't I like about it? It tends to bring out the side of me that I don't like. I can be very blunt, very direct, to the point that I can even be uncaring on how I am received. Not by those under me, but by those I would report to. I don't care to lie to those under me. Even less, I do not like to be told to lie to anyone. It's been my experience that people are smarter than they are given credit for many times.
So what of my present situation? I don't know. I know that the part of that song I shared here is what's my prayer.
I am one who is constantly being told not to take things personally. Sorry but I do.
To me Jesus took my sin personally to the point He was beaten beyond measure, forced to drag His cross across a city to only have Himself shoved down upon it to be nailed to it because of my sins.
All that Jesus did while He was here thd first time He took personally. That is my example.
I am a builder of things. I am a troubleshooter of problems. Managing people I can do but struggle with the doing of it. It stresses me. As I have told countless others, there's a lot that I know how to do, but I don't like to do it.
So where this goes is up to God. It seems that almost every place I have worked at some point people think I would be better leading. I just fail to see how because I have never found enjoyment in it.
As that song starts out it's how I indeed feel. I tend to go into hyperdrive thinking when faced with a problem. When it's something that I can't see a way of winning, my mind then sees all sorts of scenarios of how bad this can go.
My prayer, as painful as it is for me, is to be obedient. This time around it may be different. I just hope people are ready for all my 'why' questions.
Trust and Obey for there's no other way to be happy in Jesus than to trust and obey.
There's been those times that I feel like I am being shown that I have done an Elijah. Ran off from this and at some point the Lord asks me why am I over here when I am supposed to be over there.
So I will see where it goes.
We all struggle with something, being real with God and yourselves is where it's at.