Therefore, being always of good courage, and knowing that while we are at home in the body we are absent from the Lord— for we walk by faith, not by sight— but we are of good courage and prefer rather to be absent from the body and to be at home with the Lord. Therefore we also have as our ambition, whether at home or absent, to be pleasing to Him. For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive compensation for his deeds done through the body, in accordance with what he has done, whether good or bad." 2 Corinthians 5:1-10 NASB
While having read my Bible this morning, and recalling my personal conversations with a few in recent days, I was awaiting word of what to write from God. I was reminded of something Paul wrote about in 2 Corinthians. That is the first passage you read. By the Spirit's happenstance I typed the wrong chapter and came across 2 Corinthians 5 on my way to 2 Corinthians 7. Upon reading those words I went back to Romans 12. Oh how the Spirit works.
I indeed have, as Paul wrote, conflicts without and fears within. In a way, this brought some level of comfort to me this morning. I Chapter 5 he mentioned his body groaning, longing to be in Heaven with Jesus. This too I relate to these days. For whatever reason, age, health etc., Iong even more to rest in Christ Jesus. Yet while still here, there's still a race to be run, as Paul wrote elsewhere.
I indeed am facing many new things that either are really new or it's been so long that I can't remember the last time that I went through them.
My mind certainly has been changed and is changing in the last year. These days fighting what I guess can be called "pop-up" mini panic attacks are a part of my life. I sense conflicts and fears follow. As I try to shift more towards a life in godliness this probably should be expected. This too is somewhere in the Scriptures.
I keep looking at Scriptures and find in Romans 5:3-5 NASB "And not only this, but we also celebrate in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us."
It's a new thing to think about celebrating trials and tribulations.
Our realtor had even commented, back when we got this home so quickly, that we are going through a major culture shock in 60 days. From Columbus to here. I certainly can attest to the truth of his words!
It's hard! It's certainly hard. To borrow a movie line, it's hard to unlearn what I have learned. It's laiden with fears. I have had in my past dreams of driving and all I can see is the curve of the road. I can't see the road ahead. That's been a dream of late again.
We are incredibly blessed where we live today. We keep expecting a knock at the door telling us to get moving again. That this place isn't ours. Silly but I guess it's an expected thought when you're not used to such blessings.
I am being taught to do things at work. Things that in all honesty have been pushing me away from most of my hobbies. This isn't necessarily a fear, just a sense of not wanting to bring work home with me.
Fears of the future. I know and have seen God provide in exceedingly, amazing, ways in the last 5 months. I start to settle into this life and I hear the Spirit say: "Hold on, there's more to come." I have told my Wife that I really hate roller coasters. My fears of them aren't the speed. Its the not knowing what's coming part.
Conflicts around me. I probably attract more than I need to. The conflicts aren't huge, in all its my adjustment to this way of life.
My goal is to live more for Jesus today than I did yesterday. As yesterday's sermon notes that I posted asked...we indeed need to ask about what we are doing that's more important than God. What we are thinking that's taking God's place.
I really want to relax and calm down, and for some brief moments it happens.
I want to be found by my Savior doing what He's called me to do when He returns. I have enough explaining to do about the things that have been in my life that were not what He called me to do.
I indeed pray that God keeps His hand firmly wrapped around mine. That He would calm my mind and heart.
I don't know what the future holds, but I do know who holds my future.
In more than one way my feelings were laid open in the separation anxiety from my Wife each week that started in the end of October through December. I also had more than one harrowing drive that honesty terrified me to no end. Being forced to drive through beyond nasty storms to get to Columbus because there was to way to get off the highway.
I have yet to adjust to a management thats not out for itself at work. Management that actually cares about people. I still face my own fears of thinking that one of these days I will be told that I am not qualified to be doing what I am there. That this dream is a bubble to be popped I guess.
All these conflicts and fears I pray about each morning. I know that in time God will do something about them. I look back over these same few months and see small amounts of progress.
I find some level of comfort in the great Apostle Paul's having troubles with the same things. We are part of a local church body that's been incredibly helpful. They indeed are prayer partners. Encouragers.
Part of Jesus's promise to never leave us or forsake us is found in the interactions with the Church. Our relationships with other believers.
Most of this post is food for thought. Who knows, it may be someone reading it just also needs to know that they too aren't alone in what they are experiencing.
I am loved by my Father in Heaven. I am loved by my Savior Jesus Christ. I do trust my present and future to His plan for me. I may not understand the road, but I know who's driving.