It's an honest question.
I am also looking at me concerning the question as well. In some ways I still do. I can look back and see the many ways that I have. Intentionally doing my thing when He wanted me to do something else.
But think about it. Can you tell that God's wanting you to go a certain direction, or do something, but you keep crafting excuses?
This whole notion isn't new. Read about Moses. He began a list of excuses when the Lord was telling him what He wanted him to do. Enter Aaron. To be the mouthpiece.
Look at Jonah. Most everyone has heard the story of Jonah and the whale.
Look at all those where told what to do, how to do it, what the consequences would be, yet did the wrong thing anyway. Went the wrong way anyway.
I am guilty of it. My not obeying just made the journey that much longer. Same as the children of Israel. 80 years to get to the Promised Land.
We can come up with some doozies for reasons. In all truthfulness in our heart of hearts it begins with "But, but God!!!!" As we look at what is before us that we think we really don't want to let go of. People, friends, acquaintances. A job. A career. A vehicle, a house. Even a calling by God to serve.
But the Lord stands and waits. We don't know what He knows. Our lives are not our own in reality. If we are to take up our cross Daily and follow Him, it doesn't leave any room to be holding onto something else. Any.
This life isn't about what we can get out of it. It's about doing what our Savior and Lord calls us to do and to be.
Our holding onto what He says to let go of only makes it harder down the road.
As the old hymn says "Trust and obey for there is no other way to be happy in Jesus but to trust and obey. As we do His good will He abides with us still never fear only trust and obey."
Many a Christian has done a Jonah. Been called, had a rough go of it, and ran the other way. Many spend their time, energy and effort on themselves during the week and fit God in on Sunday morning. Christians.
They will spend money on themselves yet nitpick giving to others or even tithing. God doesn't bless us so that we keep it all to ourselves.
Our overflowing blessings are to be shared with others.
It amazes me how some Churches even have a mentality that they want more people to attend yet have issues with accommodating more by having more services. It's an added burden. Well, yeah, what's your point? It's like wanting heat, and wood etc is available yet complaining about starting the fire. Complaining about carrying the wood. It's called work.
Solomon was deemed to have been one of the wisest men who ever lived. Yet even he had trouble following the direction of God. David was known as a man after God's own heart. Yet he had trouble obeying. Of doing what he was told.
So what's the solution? Obey. Stop running. Scares you? I know of people who will undoubtedly quote Scripture saying that God didn't give us a Spirit of fear. Which is true. Our human side will always war with our Spiritual side. Fear is a natural problem. Peter certainly talked like he was brave about coming onto the water. But you had better believe he wasn't exactly Mr. Calm. And He was right there with Jesus!
Stop and listen to what it is God's saying to you. My journey wasn't 40 years in the wilderness but it has been over 20. Getting around to where I believe that God had wanted me to be yet I blew it. I didn't follow through at the right time. I jumped the gun and went off pretty much without Him. The scars of that time are with me today.
As Steven Curtis Chapman wrote: Be still and know that He is God.
He makes and keeps promises.
He has never failed anyone.
He is always at our side.
As another artist wrote...fear he is a liar.
Satan wants nothing more than to make Christians ineffective. It's a bonus when they willingly go off and do their own thing and he doesn't have to jump in at all.
When lies become your truth, then you need to come back to Jesus. When you believe the lies you grew up knowing and hearing. Then you need to come back to Jesus. Satan is the one who tears down. Not God. He is the one who pushes people down a road of depression. Making people believe half truths or outright lies. Twisting events in our memory to be something that it wasn't.
Remember this...if you really are a Child of God...sooner or later...willful disobedience will catch up with you.
So think on the opening question. Are you running? Are you doing your own thing in this life and have been resisting what God's called you to be or to do?
Has He told you to move on yet you keep coming up with your own reasons to stay?
This is between you and God. Not anyone else.